Normally I’m not one to publicly post about my life or what I have been through. However I feel like my weight loss journey is something I need to share, maybe it will help inspire someone else but most importantly it will keep me accountable. Currently I sit at 258.8lbs, this is the biggest I have ever been in my life, thankfully I’m 5’9 and its harder to tell just how big I really am.
Ever since I can remember I was over weight, I’ve never had a healthy relationship with food, and I know that my family didn’t feed me the healthiest choices either. The first time I really started to lose weight was when I was fifteen, and it was the first time I could ever wear a bikini in my life. This weight loss was due to my Grandpa being diagnosed with cancer for the second time, however this time it was fatal. My whole world was upside down, this man was my best friend, we where joined at the hip from the time I was born. I don’t think anyone will ever love me, be as supporting, or as proud of me as he was.
During the time my Grandpa was sick, I think I ate maybe one meal a day and this continued on for two years after his death. After I lost my Grandpa, nothing seemed to matter anymore I was so divested I went into a deep depression. My friends didn’t know what to do or say, and if they did they would say the wrong thing. I thought I wasn’t normal that I was some weird outcast. Things did make a change for the better when I meet my high school sweet heart of now seven years.
When I met Jonathan I was this broken person, he made me feel better about myself although I still struggled with the grief, and my inner demons. I did however begin to eat three meals a day again, which was great expect that now my body was storing all this food as fat because it was afraid it wouldn’t get any more food again like I was living for over the past two years. I went from this person who could never eat, because she wasn’t hungry or it made her feel sick back to this person who loved food more than she ever did. I got bigger and bigger till I sit now at my heaviest, I know now that its time I start making a difference in my life when it comes to my health.
At 53 my Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer, they thought they had removed it all and no further treatment was taken. A year later at 54 she was told that the cancer was back, after the first operation these tiny little cells broke off and implanted in her stomach. Since the cancer is so small you can’t see them with your eye, you need to use a microscope there isn’t anything they can do expect keep it under control with chemo. They don’t know how long they are able to control it till they cant no more, and Ive never gotten an answer as to why the chemo wont kill it either. I know that I don’t want to ever have to walk down this road where my mom is right now, she is fighting every day.
Food has defiantly become my comfort over the past few years watching my Mom go through so much. I also recently learned that when I lost my Grandpa, what I was feeling was normal, my loss of appetite was from grief. I wish I had sought counseling for this than, instead of almost nine years later. Now that I am 24, I need to start taking control of my health. I don’t want to walk down the path my Mom is going down, so I need to make a change today before it’s too late.
With support from my family, friends, and most importantly Jonathan I am going to succeed in this journey. I’m finally going to break the unhealthy relationship with food, excise and become better for my Mom, Grandpa, but most importantly for me. My name is Alicia, and this is the beginning of my journey.
I have attached three photos of me taken on June 8th 2017. I have never let anyone see me like I am here. I’m in a shirt that once fit, my goal is to have it fit by the end of this journey. I will upload pictures once a month of me hopefully showing my progress in the same outfit.